Day 20: May 6, 2018
1. I didn’t sleep well last night, BUT, I woke up feeling more focused mentally. Pain level same. I hope to sleep in my bed tomorrow night. Still not ready. Jacob slept in our bed last night. I’m not angry about not sleeping. It’ll happen as I get back into my routine.
2. Jamie made breakfast, as he does every Sunday. Always makes me happy. I ate scrambled eggs, which is pretty easy to swallow. I had a biscuit with lots of butter, and it was harder to eat, but tasted amazing! I had orange juice, which made me choke, but I need the nutrients, so I drank it over a couple hours. I had a banana. Good thing I like bananas. Those are easy to eat. No matter what, I have to make sure I chew everything very well. I then had banana pudding they Jamie gets at H-E-B for me, ice cream and Raisin Bran with bananas in it because I need more Vitamin D in my diet. I am still drinking coffee and will continue to do so until someone makes me quit.
3. So still no improvement in swallowing, laughing and talking. I’ve noticed that when I try to talk a lot, I run out of breath. When I laugh, it is just silent with open mouth, which is funny.
4. I shaved my legs for the first time since surgery. It was great, but hurt. I only grow hair on certain parts of my legs, but, it was long. The little things. I wouldn’t have been able to do that earlier last week. Winning!
5. Bathing still hurts, but brushing my teeth is hurting way less! Washing my hair is one of the harder things I do because it requires me to put my hands above my head and swirl shampoo on my head. (as if you all need a lesson on how one shampoos their hair)
6. I’m BORED. I need my life back! Sigh. I’ll get there. I’m so FRUSTRATED. I know I can’t make it happen overnight. I can’t snap my fingers and it’s back.
7. I put clothes in the washer. It took forever. I couldn’t take clothes out of the washer and put into the dryer. I tried. I can fold clothes with my neck brace on, although, if you try this, make sure the brace isn’t on too tight or you’ll get light headed. Yes, that happened to me. We have lots of dirty clothes, but I helped with that cycle once. I was told to remember that healing is important and not to overdo. I feel good I could do any of this. I’m thankful out loud and in my head, I’m screaming. Why can’t I just live my life again? Then the sentiments go back and forth in my head. In the spirit of being honest, that’s how today has gone. A little bit of feeling sorry for myself because I can’t wash clothes for hours. Let that sink in, folks. I’m sad because I can’t wash clothes.
8. Today has been an emotional day. Calmness, anger, sadness and being thankful. It feels like the different stages of grief. I was sad I couldn’t go to Central Market downtown to watch Bella play her sax because it’s not a controlled environment. I love listening to her play and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know or believe that. Jamie went and rode Master Shifu (his motorcycle) to go to her concert).
9. Jamie continues to be here for me. He listened to me talk through every emotion I’ve had today. All my fears about my future; cabin fever; pain, etc
10. Overall, the last 2 days have been better physically. I am struggling emotionally, but sharper mentally. I want to go back to work. I need to get out of my house, but I can’t drive yet. It’ll happen. I need good news tomorrow.
11. Patience is NOT my strong suit. But, that just means I’m healing.
12. I hope to get the results of my bone density scan this week. Cross your fingers it’s positive news. That determines when I can drive.
13. I am now regular again after drinking Slim Fast and getting stopped up. I’ve always had stomach issues, so hopefully, the Muscle Milk will be ok. I’m kind of scared to drink it, but I have to have the protein so my body will continue to heal.
14. Still no nicotine. This hasn’t been a hard decision for me.
15. This commentary and Jamie are great! One lets me vent and share and the other lets me vent and share! Lol! Jamie just gets the more intimate details. Like I’ve said before, finding someone to talk to is imperative for your recovery. Family, friends, therapist……groups, reading blogs, etc
16. Jacob and Judy are spending lots of time together, while he’s here, and it makes me happier than they will ever know. One day, I won’t be here and they will have one another. That’s so important to me! I love them so much!
THANK YOU to those who have helped in some way today. Jamie, Judy, Jacob, Dori, Mark
Continued photos of my healing incisions.