Day 24: May 10, 2018
1. PT was good. She did a lot of massage of my incision on the back and showed me more exercises! And she said Jamie can softly massage the incision area. It helps with the tightness of the scar and it gets rid of the little bubbles.
2. My PT reminded me to move around every 20 mins when I start at the office. I already do that at home and I already did that before. I’ve done my share of PT.
3. I slept better than normal last night. I only woke up a few times. I still can’t figure out how to sleep comfortably. That’s going to take time. I’m getting back to my normal tossing and turning, but I’m paranoid about damaging my neck. The doctor said I am absolutely not damaging anything. I have 3 pillows I work with during the night, so one will work throughout the night at different points of waking.
4. The new neck pillow I got is great! I highly recommend it. It’s in the last 2 posts.
5. I talked to my doctor and I’ll be seeing a speech therapist about the fact that I still can’t swallow, talk, laugh or burp. That will be next week. It could be the swelling only, or one of my vocal cords might be compressed. Likely, I’ll have to get tested. That means they’ll have me drink different thicknesses of liquids using barium so they can figure out where the problem is and handle it. There are also throat muscle exercises that can be done. That’s my newest addition to my recovery journey. If it means I get to swallow, EAT REAL FOOD, sing, laugh and burp, then it’s all worth it. I miss pizza and it’s not even something I like very much. I miss Chickenflay a lot.
6. I woke up in less pain, but I’ve been exhausted all day today. The pain is better, but more focused. That means I’m getting better.
7. I can turn my head even more to the left and right and little bit up and down. I couldn’t do any of that prior to surgery. Already a win! There was no option for me. Surgery was it. If you know that about yourself, don’t procrastinate. It will cause more damage and harder surgery and recovery. Not everyone has an understanding boss like I do.
8. I get to go to a work Team Meeting tomorrow. I’m excited, but nervous. Weird, right? I’ve worked at my current job since September 2014, so you’d think I wouldn’t be nervous. I’m anticipating the end of the meeting. That means my nervousness is over and I’m home with my PT lady since we missed a session this week.
9. I’ve been trying to pick the tape or whatever residue out of my hair at my incision a lot today, and because it’s painful to put my arms to the back of my head, I have to stop. I can do if, tho! But, hey, it’s good exercise and I chart when I make progress!
10. I talked to a friend of mine today, who always lifts my spirits. He sent me a text telling me he was worried because I hadn’t called him back. I thought it was sweet. I am always surprised when people worry about me. It’s not a negative thought. I’m just surprised sometimes. I’m a huge worrier, so I get it. He’s been sick and I told him not to ignore it. That’s definitely the Mom in me.
11. Since I had surgery, I realized how frustrating this whole situation is for my Mom. It’s the first time I’ve taken the time to absorb that something like this is hard for my Mom. The first 2 times I had surgery, I just didn’t think about it, but since Mom almost died, I’ve been aware of parent child emotions and interactions during a health crisis. She called me today, but I was doing PT and then after that, I just didn’t feel like talking. I texted with my sister. I’m super depressed today. It’s been a struggle. It could be the meds or the fact that I feel I’ve plateaued. I still feel thankful. I’m just depressed. This is what I meant by being honest with yourself and others. It’s not all roses and positivity. There are days just like this one, so be kind to yourself because tomorrow is a new day. I get to wake up, remember my progress and keep working on my recovery.
Jacob left to go home today and I think that’s part my sadness. I never stop missing my babies. I don’t think that will ever change. I’m so proud of both of them. It’s hard being the parent of grown children. It’s rewarding to see them being successful, but it’s hard because they’re out of my house and so I don’t get to see it day to day. This is not to make my children feel guilty. I speak for many parents of grown children. It’s just part of it.
I hope everyone had a great day! Tomorrow is Friday and that’s the best day of the week. It’s Mother’s Day weekend. Hug your Mom. Tell her how much you love her and how she has impacted your life!
I’m sorry Mom and Kathey for letting my depression dictate my feelings for the day. I love you both very much!
THANK YOU to those who helped me in some way today. Jamie, Jacob, Kathey, Mom, Judy, Clayton, Stephanie (PT), Kayla, Leah, Brian (he sent me a sweet text yesterday)