Day 27: May 13, 2018
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all of you out there! I am so fortunate to have mine. We’ve been through so much together!
I really wanted to spend time with my Mom, sister and Judy today, but, because I’m still recovering and not allowed to drive, I couldn’t travel, but, my precious, baby girl came and spent some time with me. We chatted a while. She ate breakfast that Jamie made (every Sunday), and then she took a nap. Her taking a nap here simply made me happy. It wouldn’t be a proper visit without her napping for a bit. Next Mother’s Day, we will all get together. I got to talk to Mom, Kathey, Susan, Uncle Bill, Leah, Mike, Stephanie, Sandie. All took the time to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day.
I hope to catch up with a friend and meet his wife and introduce him to Jamie!
Jacob texted me and we had a brief text talk. I wish he lived closer.
If you can’t swallow, and you have to crush or chew your meds, make sure it’s ok. My mood was getting pretty dark, which isn’t usual for me, so I started thinking about the pills I was chewing or crushing. I found the culprit. I know I will start feeling better emotionally in a day or so. I talked to Jamie about it, and he just kept asking questions and it made me continue to ask questions. Just make sure you’re not crushing or chewing time released meds. It WILL mess with your balance. I solved my issue taking the meds by breaking them in half at the break line on the pill. No more chewing or crushing.
Because of the change in my mental balance, I was super depressed and angry. I lashed out at Jamie; totally misconstrued some situations and tried to figure out what I’m good for. This is not something I would normally talk about. I’m talking about it because if that’s not your normal behavior, talk to someone. Make sure your medical team is aware. I knew I was having a bad day, but no real reason. With Jamie’s help, I was able to take a step back and think about my balance. Even with all the medical stuff I’m dealing with, I know I’m meant to be here. I have stuff to do on earth. I’m going to start doing those things, as soon as I’m more healed.
I have so much to offer in the way of coping with traumas and life changes, addiction, recovery of all forms, and I want to hear others stories so I can keep learning. I simply want to tell others they aren’t alone. I’ve counseled so many already, and it would be my honor to continue doing that on a volunteer basis or in a group setting or one on one. Helping others is one of my passions. Feeling alone is the worst feeling. You’re not alone in whatever struggle you’re facing. Reach out.
I slept in my own bed last night, and it was magical. I woke up a lot just getting comfortable, but, once all that stopped, I slept. I didn’t truly wake up until around 10. I’m a very light sleeper. My phone rang a few times, which I didn’t know the numbers. I got some texts and some notifications, but I got out of bed feeling more rested. I slept right through my middle of the night and early morning meds. I have taken less doses today, which is a start. That means a little more pain, but I can handle it. I really hate these meds, but, I also know I can’t just stop cold turkey. Been there. Done that. As much as I hate the meds, there is a safe way to decrease and then stop the meds. It’s just been in the last few days that I’ve even been able to wait longer to take the meds.
I start part time work at the office tomorrow. I’m excited and nervous. Jamie is taking me and I’m working up to 4 hours. I love my job because it allows me to help others.
Sandie said she’ll take me home. I couldn’t be more thankful. But, I have a guilt complex asking for help, so I’m just going to close my eyes and allow it. I’m extremely independent. Asking for help or accepting help is OK! If someone offers to help you, then they mean it. It’s a gift.
I still can’t drive, but I’m once the restriction is lifted, I’ll think I’ll be ready mentally. I’m turning my neck more naturally. If the doc says it’s good, I’ll be able to drive this weekend. Woohoo! The whole reason the doc added more no driving is because of the osteoporosis. But, it has been a good time to allow me to feel better emotionally about driving.
I still can’t swallow, talk (it’s better); sing or burp. I’ll be seeing a speech therapist to work on that this week hopefully.
I watched Golf with Jamie today, and it was cool. I enjoyed it. I ate some bacon today. It was soft bacon. Jamie continues to hold down the laundry. I’m more and more able to help. I helped him fold clothes today!
Just keep moving forward and keep talking out loud. It continues to help me get through this one day at a time!
THANK YOU to those who have helped me in some way today! Jamie, Mom, Judy, Jacob, Susan, Leah, Michael, Dad, Sandie, Dori, Uncle Bill, Mark, Joe, Leon.
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