Day 28: May 14, 2018
I went to work today! Half day. It was tough, BUT, one day down. I’ll only get stronger and stronger. It’s definitely one day at a time. I knew it was going to be tough, but, it was still a little heartbreaking that I couldn’t just do it all today! I’m somewhat impatient. It was great seeing Wes, Sandie and Meghan! Day 2 coming up! Jamie took me to work and brought me home. He takes such good care of me. He’s awesome!
On the physical side, I just couldn’t get my chair quite right and my table is too high. I ordered something else for work and will leave my desk table at home. I also have a stand I can bring back to work tomorrow. I also ordered another neck type pillow so when my neck gets tired, I have something better than a neck brace. Truth is – the neck brace hurts my neck if I leave it on too long. It rubs my skin and because I’m moving more naturally, the brace hurts. But, I’m also worried I’m doing something wrong and because of the osteoporosis, that feeling is magnified. I remember feeling this way after my first neck surgery. The fusion was nothing like this one. The original fusion was removed. I’ll post photos for those who haven’t seen them yet.
Work Day 1 was an overall success! Work Day 2 will also be a success!
Not being able to sing has me sadder than I can express. It is the thing that brings me peace and comfort. I’ve got certain songs that I sing and I can’t sing them right now. I miss it so much. Now, just air and some sound comes out, but not my voice. It’s perfect in my mind, but then, nothing. I’ve cried about this twice in 2 days now.
My emotions are just all over the place. My sis called and reminded me that I’m ok. I have a lot of drugs in my system, recovering from major surgery and finding out I have osteoporosis and trying to get back to life is overwhelming. It’s only been 28 days! She’s right. She called just when I needed her to. My whole neck got rebuilt and I’m back at work part time. I’m getting my life back, folks! BUT, baby steps. There are very few who know my whole self. Kathey knows me extremely well, so she knew I needed a pep talk. I love her for knowing today was the day I needed that.
My deep depression is improving since I realized the med issue. It’ll take a couple days to find my balance again. I’m looking forward to getting off the meds because then I’ll be able to really get my balance back.
As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I think things to death. I over analyze and worry and am paranoid. When I do this too much, things can get distorted. I have a pretty good handle on these things when I’m not going through a life change. I am constantly having a conversation with myself so my “stuff” stays balanced. Jamie is a huge help in this, but so are Mom and Kathey. I’m having to work even harder right now to stay balanced. Mix in all the things that I’m going through and I guess I’m doing way better than I think! Lol. I’m proud of my progress, but there’s a voice inside my head telling me I need to hurry so no one thinks I’m weak. Luckily, there are other voices who tell me, call me or text me that I’m ok and that pushing the healing process will only make things harder. My village has been amazing! I’m not a sitter-arounder. Yup. I just made that up. I can English, even if I make it up sometimes.
Of my thoughts for the day!
I am still not able to go to public places with big crowds. I missed another Bella activity. I hope she knows that I simply can’t go. Jamie and I are going to go driving on Saturday to make sure I’m comfortable driving.
Quote of the day: “I had to eat rabbit bleep. It tasted like barf, but textured barf.” Keri Russell in Running Wild with Bear Grylls. This is one of my favorite shows. Just watching anyone willing to be out of their comfort zone amazes me!
It’s also Voice season. Tomorrow, we’ll go from 8 contestants to 4! I love the Voice. I enjoy my shows.
This may sound silly, but I’m looking forward to watching the Royal Wedding! I love Meghan Markle. She’s a great actress. And, people, she’s an American! That’s exciting, and she’s biracial! It’s an exciting time in our history. Some of you may not agree, but I respect your beliefs. Please don’t be disrespectful of mine. I’m a lover, not a fighter. I thoroughly enjoy learning others beliefs. It’s fascinating that we can grow up together and be so different. That’s a function of our environment and our parents influence. There’s so much learning we miss and so many people we don’t get to know because we’re so quick to judge. I do my share of judging, but I am better as I get older. I have my things that I won’t walk past because I choose not to, but it’s got to be something extreme. We all get to choose who lives in our bubbles with us. But tolerance is so important in today’s climate. Our need to belong to a pack sometimes clouds are ability to be tolerant. If you’re open to it, think about human beings and see if you’d want to step outside your comfort zone! It’s never too late.
THANK YOU to those who helped me in some way today! Jamie, Mom, Dad, Judy, Sandie, Meghan, Wesley, Michael, Kayla, Kathey.
#postsurgery #recovery #recoveryprocess #inspire #imback #strongerthanever #postspinesurgery