Day 37: May 23, 2018
😴 I am exhausted. I slept through all 3 of my alarms this morning. Jamie woke me up before he left, and had he not done that, I think I’d still be asleep. Seems like I overdid it a bit the 2 previous days. I didn’t hurt myself. I just expected too much of myself.
I absolutely freaked out when I woke up “late”. It was 6:45, which is when I’ve been waking up this week. I was so upset. I had it in my mind that I’d wake up at 6:07am, get ready and be on site by 7:15. It takes me a little longer to get ready these days. I slammed a door. I was SO upset and then I stopped…… I turned on the water for the tub, and just listened to the sound of the running water. I slowed down. Eyes closed. Deep breaths. I love hot baths, so I slowly sat down in the hot water, slowing my breathing and fully waking up and realizing I was being too hard on myself. I didn’t even know it. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I told myself that on day 37, I had to be healed. It was a sneaky secret that my mind was keeping. My body took over and I hit a wall this morning. I felt exhausted all day long. I tried desperately to stay awake in the early afternoon. It was tough. I put on some music and ate some pudding and I felt better. I didn’t feel negative. 💯 exhausted.
There’s not one part of my body that doesn’t ache, but even with that, I continue my journey to the land of no more Dilaudid. That absolutely plays a part in my exhaustion. I’m aware. Just lay attention and try to stay in tune with your body and listen to the vibrations of your body and mind.
I had an appt with a client at 9:30 and then to my regular place, and then another client’s house. All day today, I’ve been overwhelmingly tired. I haven’t felt this overwhelmed in a while. Today was it. Yes, I overdid it.
My name is Jenny and I had unrealistic expectations of myself and overdid it. I’m going to allow myself to take my time tomorrow morning and treat my body with love and respect.
Michelle, a mentor, said to me today that my health is more important than anything else and that it’s my job to let my body heal correctly. She said she felt I was valuable but that if I don’t allow my body to heal properly, I won’t be able to show my full value. She wouldn’t value me less. I would struggle more than I needed. A wise woman who always seems to talk to me at the moment I need some tough love and guidance.
I also want to give a shout out to Wes. His title may be boss, but, he’s also part of my village and one of my biggest supporters. He’s been calling this week to make sure I’m ok. He gently reminds me to take it easy and he means it. I have never had a boss look after me like he has.
Even writing this blog is taxing because I’m so very tired. Being this tired certainly hasn’t claimed my positive energy. But, if I continue to overdo, my energy will turn out of sheer exhaustion. I do not not have any regrets. I know where I stand now.
Spending time with one of my dear friends and her daughter today absolutely brightened my spirits. She is also a client of my company. I am blessed to know her and I enjoyed getting to know her daughter. They both love talking science, so they were eager to see all my neck photos and X-rays. It was so cool. I was supposed to go talk about warranty, but we never got there. It was two close friends catching up. She’s part of my extended village and through building her home, we bridged the gap between client and friendship. I don’t normally mix the two, but, we are soul sisters.
I’m off to bed to let my body rest and the healing continue. Be kind to yourself and remember that healing takes time. You’ve come so far. All is good. Don’t rush too fast. I don’t feel like I failed at all. It’s just time to rest.
THANK YOU for those who helped me in some way today. Jamie, Mom, Dad, Michelle, Wes, Judy, Ignacio, Michael, Jesse, Meghan, Kim, Angie, Matt, Zoltan, Deea
Some of the people I thank on a daily basis aren’t even aware that they’ve done something that made a difference in my life. I appreciate the support I get daily!