July 17th will mark 3 months since I had surgery. I think that’s crazy. It feels like much longer. So, from April 17th – it’s May – June – July. I mean – July just seems so far removed from April, right? Thursday of last week, I knew I was tired. Friday – I felt like a truck ran over me. I did nothing all weekend to try and recharge my energy, but it didn’t work. Yesterday, I worked from home. I felt awful and so fatigued – like I’d been up all night for days. Getting dressed was a chore, and I went through all the motions of bathing, dressing (like a snail), brushing my teeth….then I looked in the mirror with a tear in my eye and admitted defeat. I wasn’t going to make it to work. I wasn’t going to be able to drive a car safely. If you’ve been that fatigued, then you know what I mean. It feels like a drug induced fatigue. Lifting anything on your body feels hard and heavy. That’s how I started to feel on Friday. Saturday – I started feeling sick. Sunday – full blown over all feeling of crappiness and I was in a dark mood, also. Yesterday was just hard physically and mentally. I haven’t felt this depressed in quite some time, but it hits all of us at one point or other. I’m a pretty positive person, but the last few days have tested my patience. Here I sit today fighting to stay positive and not so fatigued. Am I winning? Maybe. I’ve been grumpy, too, and it’s showed.
I actually left the room on Sunday to keep from being ugly for no reason. When I feel like this, I try to stay away people. I felt my paranoia rearing its ugly head. I didn’t want to say something I would regret to my boyfriend or his daughter or anyone else. So, I really talked to no one on Sunday.
I decided I needed to let some tension and anger go. I’ve been carrying tension physically because of my recent neck surgery and emotionally because of work and family stuff. I’ve managed to get back to my normal for family. So that leaves the other 2. That will get easier with time. I just have to stay patient.
It was a major surgery. The latest update is that I’ve been asked to be careful until we know what we’re doing about the advanced osteoporosis. I have an appointment on Friday of this week at 2:30. They’ll be able to tell me about my blood test results and we can make a plan. I’m ready to start that process.
As for my continuing recovery, I still choke on meds and heavy breads and meats, BUT I had chicken for dinner tonight. Rotisserie chicken. I haven’t had chicken since April. It was amazing. I still haven’t eaten fried food, and I don’t plan on it. I eat my junk in a different way. Ice cream. I didn’t have ice cream tonight. I had strawberry shortcake! I’ve been eating junk to keep the weight on, which I haven’t had to do for 4-ish years. We’ll see if that means anything medically.
I still have trouble shaving my legs. It hurts after a while so my legs done get shaved a lot right now. Brushing my hair is easy these days. Dressing is painful when putting on a shirt over my head and putting a bra on. Panties and pants are easy these days, also. I use those wrap around towels for my hair. They are fantastic and I highly recommend them!
They’ve been a lifesaver!
I still struggle to get comfortable at night and no pillow I’ve purchased has worked or made sleeping easier. Sleeping is by far the hardest part of recovery. I can’t get comfortable so I wake up a lot and that equals very little sleep. The pain at night is terrible but I know it will get easier. Not sleeping is hard on me in every way. I’ve got another 9 months of recovery. I just have to keep reminding myself that I’m still healing and to be kind to myself.
It’s 12:28am and I’m still awake because the pain is pretty awful tonight and sleep isn’t going to come easily. I think it’s important that I write the good with the bad in my recovery so it’s real. I’m not shy and I try to always be well rounded. I’m going to sign off and watch Investigation Discovery. I love that channel.
I hope you all find peaceful dreams or peaceful sleep or both! I just pray for some sleep and no nightmares. Goodnight all.