You Get What You Give…Sometimes

Throughout my life, the message in my mind has been “you get what you give”. Good or bad. You can give and not get anything in return but that’s part of life. Don’t give with limitations. Give because it matters to who you’re giving to. It’s important. It’s not about money, or even time or the positivity you give – it’s about understanding that giving makes your soul better. Some call it Karma. What does giving mean? It means something different to everybody. It can be intimate or public. Don’t feel guilty for celebrating giving. Spreading the word is how we remind people that giving to others only adds to our self worth.

  1. You can donate money or clothing to a variety of different organizations or charities.
  2. You can give to a neighbor or family member
  3. You can donate your time and understanding
  4. You can simply listen
  5. You can hug a person
  6. You can love unconditionally
  7. You can make a meal for someone who is in need
  8. You can take part in organizations that cater to the elderly or children without homes.
  9. You can work a shelter for the homeless, battered women, orphanages, etc.
  10. Be grateful and extend that to others around you.

See the article below.

41 Ways to Give Back

I am mostly fulfilled by the job I do every day. I am not 100% satisfied. If I was, I’d stop trying to continue moving forward. It’s important for me to keep learning and growing wherever I am. Being complacent simply isn’t an option. So, I GIVE my best to my job so I am an asset to my coworkers/boss, clients and subcontractors/vendors. It’s important they know I’ve got their backs. I feel the same way about my relationships outside work. I haven’t always been successful and I did my part in the failure of the relationship. I think sometimes you just get into a bad situation. It’s hard for me to give advice about intimate relationships because I haven’t had a successful one. If I did, wouldn’t that mean I’d still be with one of them? Maybe they were successful until they weren’t? No, I can give a detailed list of why each relationship failed for both sides. Sometimes, it takes 1 to ruin a relationship, but I can honestly say with ALL of my intimate relationships, the failure was on both sides. Sometimes you give to the wrong person, and there’s a form of payback in that regard. You may not deserve it,  but it happens. You definitely learn what you are willing to handle. Sometimes, you are the one making the mistakes and you have to take a long, hard look in the mirror and decide if you can handle that you’re the bad guy/gal. There’s no perfect person. We ALL can look back on our lives and pick a time we wish we could repair. I know I do. Being human isn’t always easy. It’s rewarding in many ways, confusing in others, and beautifully flawed.

group of people lending their hands
Photo by Suraphat Nuea-on on Pexels.com

Some of you who have been reading my blog know I’ve been through some stuff in my life. These events could lead me to playing the victim. I know some out there do play the victim. You probably don’t even know it or understand what I mean, but I think this article might help. Some of you know EXACTLY what you’re doing and you’re using your trauma to hurt others. Isn’t the opposite of what you’d want if you really thought about it? It might sound harsh, but if you have even a small pang in your belly right now, there’s time to undo the victim role you’re playing. You’ll be so much HAPPIER, and your life will be fulfilled. You’ll realize that making amends and taking responsibility for your life and not allowing whatever has happened to you have continued power over you is so much more rewarding.

Dealing with a Victim Personality

I am a survivor, and in recent years, I’ve learned how to live better, and do a little less surviving. There is a definite difference between surviving and living. I survived for years. Each day I would wake up and take a deep breath and realize I had made it another day. I will say that back in 2016-ish, I was surviving again to get through my neck pain. (see my earlier blogs about surgery recovery). I worked full time, and when I got home, I was thankful I survived another day without faltering. After surgery, the blog I wrote really helped me and I felt I was living! Now, almost a year later, and a break up in between, I’m kind of in survival mode again. It’s a form of preservation, and I’ll choose surviving over being a victim any day. Victims think they don’t have to apologize for their mistakes. But, when you snap out of your victim way of thinking and you realize you have amends to make – DO IT. You may not be forgiven, but it’s important you make amends. The Universe has a way of rewarding you, even if you’re the only one who knows it. After my relationship with my abuser, I lost some friends. I tried to make amends, but they were done with me. I understood. In order to survive, I had to lie. I’m not proud of it, but I’m alive because of it. An excuse? That’s a hard line. I had to lie in order to survive. I no longer have guilt about that because the people who forgave me are still in my life today. I have no ill will towards the ones who couldn’t. I respect them, and even miss some of them. I know if you’ve been through this (those of you who have and are reading), I’m here to tell you that continuing to feel guilt about being alive today is unnecessary. You’re safe. If you’re still living it, I’m sorry. I can say there are shelters, and safe places, but I’m sure you’ve been told that and don’t feel you can do it. You can. I did. I know others have done the same thing.

How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship

I didn’t go to a shelter. I tried to go to the police, but like many, was turned away because they couldn’t serve a restraining order because I didn’t have an address. I had all these threatening emails, but I could have made those up. It didn’t matter what I said, so I did what I had to do to get away. Unless he did something horrible to me, they were no help. Not because they didn’t want to be – they ARE limited by the LAWS. Honestly, the abuser isn’t going to let you go, so in the end, you have to be brave enough to take the first step out. YOU can do it. I know you’re shaking your head assuming I don’t understand. ONE day, you’ll wake up and you’ll know – this is the day. It may be a gradual awakening or it may be sudden. Sadly, some women take that step and don’t make it. I hang my head in sadness for those who lose their lives in the struggle of getting away from their abusers. Their bright light is never seen. These women didn’t get what they gave. They were with people who took it all away and it didn’t matter what they gave. Let me say that this happens to men, as well. The damage isn’t different, and men are programmed not to talk about it out loud. That’s wrong and limiting.

I am proud of the fact that I’m a survivor of abuse, etc. You can survive, too, whether it’s an abusive relationship, child abuse trauma, PTSD from various different events, sexual abuse trauma, etc. ALL THE FORMS OF EVENTS that cause us to be victims. Let’s not forget our mental challenges that we don’t get a choice about either. My Bipolar doesn’t rule my life. I have a balance and understanding with my Bipolar. We work in concert together so that I’m as successful as I can be. NOT PERFECT. NOT BALANCED every single day, but in concert. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have baggage. I do, but I know that whoever takes a chance on me will have to know that I am not the continued victim, but someone who strives to be better. For those of us who have been abused in some way or suffer from a mental uniqueness, we strive to be loved and accepted as if we haven’t, and opening up to others about our experiences is hard enough without being judged. I DIDN’T CHOOSE to be abused. I didn’t choose to be born with Bipolar. I survived and I want other survivors to know they’re not alone. I’m not angry at those who don’t understand. I choose to surround myself with those who love me no matter what I’ve been through or the “label” that has been imposed on me should I decide to be honest about my Bipolar. I don’t hate anyone. I am not angry at anyone. I take responsibility for my actions – today or in the past. Sharing my past has definitely scared some people off, and it’s somewhat confusing because I didn’t do anything wrong and I’ve done nothing but move forward and love my life, my world and other humans (who deserve it anyway). I have bad days, BUT WE ALL DO. You don’t have to have trauma to have bad days or question life or any of that stuff. It’s normal. Questioning life is what helps us continue to grow and move forward. You don’t have to be a survivor of abuse to know hardship. There are all kinds of survivors. It’s not just about abuse. It’s the loss of a child, parent, significant other, friend, animals. It’s the survival of cancer or other difficult diseases. It’s the survival of major surgery, or ANY LIFE CHANGING event. We’re ALL survivors of something. It’s how we choose to move forward with ourselves that makes the difference. There is always hope for yourself or someone you know or love. ALWAYS.

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