How do you feel about trusting your intuition? Do you listen to it? Do you feel genuinely surprised when something turns out to be completely different than you thought? After reflecting on past experiences, I have been pretty good at feeling the signs. BUT I’ve definitely ignored some key gut feelings. If you decide to ignore yourself, there will be consequences. Could be good or bad. It depends on what you’re ignoring and why. I believe every decision we make changes the course of our lives. Let me give you the standard cliché here – what fork in the road do you take? If you’re ignoring yourself, your intuition, the knot in your stomach, the headache, the tingling or “butterflies”….. whatever it is to you, would you know the outcome if you go one way or the other? For me, not the exact details of a decision, but a good idea. That idea would be based on my past or common sense based on what’s I’ve seen in other situations. Life isn’t black and white to me. Decisions are, but the road getting to the yes or no isn’t. If you break it down, decisions end in yes or no. Think about it. Will I marry that person? Do I want to be married? Do I want eggs? Pants? Shorts? Will I have that baby? Do I want to go school? Do I go to work today? My phone is ringing – do I want to answer? So many yes or no questions.
Keep in mind that I’m not talking about how I feel right now. THAT is where it gets complicated. Our emotions, which is our core makeup, make our decisions gray and muddy. Our past life experiences lend to our decisions and our intuition sometimes gets buried in the chaos of our minds, especially those of us with mental uniqueness. Sometimes I ignore my intuition with great defiance because I long to be wrong about a situation. I rarely am. That irks some people, but it doesn’t stop me from being human or second guessing myself or making downright terrible decisions. I just have the ability to read a situation well. Super well. It’s why I enjoy my job so much. It’s what makes me good at it. There’s no chaos or muddy thinking for my job. It’s not personal. So the decisions are easier. When it’s personal, everything changes. My brain seems to meld into some form of glob. But, folks, seriously, I am going to start listening to my gut ALL THE TIME now, and when I know something is off, I’m going to just go the other direction. Nah, that won’t happen because I just want to help people, and investing in others means that things get messy sometimes. ALL relationships can be messy – love, friendship, family, hopefully not work…. I can say that my job isn’t messy. It’s the one place I feel relatively together.
My initial intuition is usually spot on and then the chaos begins. Do I really feel that way? Is what I’m thinking valid? Do I have a RIGHT to feel that way? It’s a roller coaster in my head sometimes. I analyze things to death.
Even when I listen to my gut, it doesn’t change the hurt or happiness that might come from it. There are 2 thought processes – “I’m so glad I listened to my intuition and moved forward because this is great” OR I scold myself for not listening. We’ve all done it. It’s part of the human condition. I know some people who really don’t have any intuition at all, and it scares me for them because I wonder how they will ever make it through life with their eyes wide open. AND then I realize they have a gift. They blindly live their lives and move through the world without really understanding what may or may not come. There are moments I wish my brain worked that way. Are they happier? Anyone reading this blog isn’t ignorant. You see and know struggle. So, living blindly isn’t an option. Right? I’d rather have my brain the way it is. At least I know when the bomb is about the explode in my head.
Honestly, I just want to know people. Wanting to know people – really understanding them, means I have to ignore my intuition sometimes. I want to hear your story. How you got to this day – and what it means to you to continue moving forward. What has been your greatest happiness? What is your biggest sadness? Do you have regrets? Why? I mean – all of it. I’m here if you need me to be, and I genuinely accept you and all your chaos. I just might not share too much of myself with you.
If you’re different from me than I’m even more locked in to hear you. I am fascinated with human nature and I genuinely want to know what it means to you. If it means I get to help someone or be their rock, even for a short time, then I’m in. But I also know that people can be fleeting. We all have stuff and get scared away or realize it’s not worth it or they are too self-absorbed – whatever the reason. In life, we all go through times when we simply can’t give to someone else and THAT’S PERFECTLY OK. Self preservation is vital to our lives. I believe we all tap out when our brains, bodies and spirits need a pause. I have an uncanny ability to flip my switch – meaning I make sure my heart and emotions are protected at all times (i hope). That’s the idea. But, sometimes, it doesn’t work that way and my heart gets hurt a bit. But, I am pretty good at not getting too deeply involved if trust isn’t there. Life experience. It allows me to take risks and keep a door open even after someone has acted badly or flakily.
It takes so much for me to trust anyone, but when people trust me, I take that seriously and am honored by anyone who takes that leap. I can keep a secret. I know when to back up my peeps, and I will absolutely do anything for anyone that I love or care about. BUT, that doesn’t mean I trust them OR that I expect anything from them in return. It means that if someone takes the time to trust their gut and trust me, then I’m going to be there for them, even if I know it isn’t reciprocal. Even if I know there is a chance I’ll hurt for a minute. But, it’s all about growth.
Hence…possibly…ignoring….my intuition. Will I help him/her? Will I take a risk for them? Will I answer at 3:00am? Will I open my door for them? I tend to gravitate toward broken people because I understand broken. I’m broken. I like me. I’ve learned that people who ignore their broken-ness or act like they aren’t OR use it as an excuse to continue bad behaviors are more difficult for me to handle, but I know there is hope for them and I happen to love some pretty broken people. They add value to my world because their plights strenghten my resolve to continue my own journey to a better me. We all have the ability to be better. I think more people are broken than not broken. Just sayin’. The older we get, the more experiences we have, so the probability on our broken meter increases. My goal is to heal the cracks with some caulking, or bondo (my field humor). The cracks are still there, but healed or repaired. I’ve been through a lot, but I am OK. Positive. Excited about my life. Have a lot to live for! No matter what’s happening around me, I go through yes or no decisions on a daily basis. Take a day and keep track of all the decisions you make. It’s far more than you realize. Then pat yourself on the back because….dammmmnnnn, you adulted like a boss today!
Walk outside your comfort zone and listen to someone who you wouldn’t normally take the time. That’s just my nature, but sometimes, when you do actually walk in someone else’s shoes, it’s amazing what you learn about yourself in the process. Thank you for reading!